'Cos I'm a model, ya know what I mean

Dec 7, 2011

Thanks to The Animated Woman, I was guided toward a post on Jezabel.com that explained how H&M doesn't even use real models' bodies on their website. I had to read it twice, since the WHAT THE FUCK in my head was screaming so loudly. Yes, these 'bodies' apparently display their clothing much better than a 'real' woman could... which leads me to ask the obvious question: Who's meant to be buying these bloody clothes? Apparently not real humans!

I'm sorry H&M, but if your clothes don't look good on real women, even models, you have shitty designers, and therefore, even shittier clothes.

I went to the site to check out this freak show for myself, and it is surely true, and oh-so-obvious. Notice anything that these three women have in common?


It kind of takes the idea of the "cookie cutter" criticism to a whole new depth of hell. Oh, but let's applaud their efforts to at least tweak their skin tones to match the head they pasted on top. Bravo!

I'm fairly certain that my neck is thicker than this digital representation of what a woman's thigh is meant to look like, but hey, at least I know I totally have bigger tits, and they're REAL. Ahem.

I found the entire interactive "let's dress up the droid" part of the website unnerving, creepy and soulless. Click on the different models -- only the heads change. It's gross! I propose that if we can inter-change all the clothes and heads, we should be able to paste on our own heads as well. I'd find the experience much more pleasurable if I was able to see my friends looking back at me. I don't mind that they're in their undies... it's not like it's their bodies, right? Pssh-sha.


SEE? Much Better - So Sexy!
~ Purrrrrr ~

I'd prefer putting clothes on Handflapper, Animated Woman and Ida Homie any day...who wouldn't?!

But then again, there's no way in FC/UK I'd ever buy anything from H&M in the first place.*

Fashion? Fail.


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*Okay. So once I bought 2 AC/DC t-shirts for the twins there. Whatthefuckever. But that's IT.

Credits: Animated Woman for paraphrasing her tweet, the 3D Rendering artists at H&M, Kathy Slamen Photography, Handflapper's fine art talent, and Brandon's mad hotel bathroom photography skills.

28 comments:

  1. Lost.in.Idaho said...:

    Oh no...

    Oh no no no no NO...

    This is awesome, but in a horrible way.

    And wow, I really need to work on my tanlines below my neck, mmmkay??

  1. Handflapper said...:

    Oh my gawd, you made me FAT! Well, compared to my usual sticks, you know.

    Every time I think I love you so damn hard, you go and make me love you HARDER.

  1. Chunky Mama said...:

    I get what you're saying and agree, but the really DO have cute kids clothes!

  1. Lady Estrogen said...:

    @Lost

    Oh, you. You so sexy!

    @Flappy

    Harder! Harrrrrddeerr, I say!!! I want it to hurt so good!

    @Chunkster

    For sure - it's the only reason I'd step foot in there - kids' clothing sales. End of.

  1. Lost.in.Idaho said...:

    My boobs... LOOK AWESOME!!!!

    That is all.

    /thread

  1. HahahahaHAHAHahahaA!
    So awesome. And I always knew I was meant to be a fashion model. *snigger*

    On a more serious note, I want to thank H&M for helping to perpetuate The Myth of Perfection. I'm sharing this post with my teenage daughters, and my 10 year old son - why not? As an example of what to watch out for as they are being sprayed with marketing BS. You can't protect them from it, but you can make them aware.

    I have spoken.

  1. Sub-Radar-Mike said...:

    Dibs on the scary pink haired zombie lady :p

  1. lol creepy. I think Lost is enjoying having boobs though. I've never purchased anything there and now I never will. Haha! The power of Cunt Dragon.

  1. For some reason I suddenly feel the urge to shove handfuls of lard into my face.

  1. the robot mommy said...:

    I want my head on a stick!!

    Wait...

  1. vinobaby said...:

    Holy crap. You need to start a meme or something so we can all stick our pics on that Barbie doll-esque body. The airbrushing is insane--they look like some type of hairless, poreless, and thighless clones.

    And I liked H&M. Boo.

  1. Carrie's Rambles said...:

    That's so fucked up.
    Wonder who the marketing genius was who thought this plan up?

  1. Zombie said...:

    Bleh... whats with the girl in the middle and her granny panties...

  1. Pamela Gold said...:

    What IS real anymore?

  1. Random Girl said...:

    originality is so totally overrated don't you know?? It's so much better to be consistent than realistic! It would be kind of fun to get to switch my hair color out everyday though..

  1. Pearl said...:

    Pretty soon we won't know what's real and what's not!!

    Pearl

  1. Sub-Radar-Mike - I am not a zombie lady. I'm a frikkin Slave of Orion dammit.

  1. Leighannn said...:

    I don't like H&M. It's expensive and the clothes are silly.
    Yes.
    Silly.

  1. Aww now I think you're being harsh, there is an economic crisis going on, who can blame H&M for saving money on real models to pass their savings onto the consumer.

    Oh hang on, last time I went in their kids clothes had almost doubled in price!

    You should offer your services anyway, clearly your photoshopping is much better!

  1. How could you not put my head there? Oh, I feel left out! LOL

    Ugh, that droids thingy they're doing is just so wrong in so many levels.

  1. The martini glass is a ice touch

  1. Lady Estrogen said...:

    @Very Bored

    CLEARLY! They are far superior to must, to be honest! Ahem.

    @Sweaty

    Next time, darling ;)

  1. Ridiculous. Your models are way better. Who would think this is okay? What are we, robots?

  1. Bridget said...:

    That's not right. It's hard enough to be a real woman, now we have to compete with droids? Fuck you H & M

  1. Carri said...:

    H&M is the perfect place to shop at if you need a "fancy" shirt that you're just going to throw out at the end of the night.

  1. Thank Q said...:

    Brandon always talks about himself as if he's fat. I see now that he's a liar after viewing his photo.

    This is ridiculous, but not surprising. I guess using these generated images is cheaper than playing people to put on your products.

  1. Jennifer said...:

    Ewwwwww! This freaks me out! I knew their clothes were crap, but I didn't realize their advertising was so disgusting.

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